Whew, what a crazy week! I feel like I say that a lot. Wait, I do say that a lot. My friends and family have come to expect crazy weeks from me, which is why the many months I took off last year to address health and personal issues was so unsettling for them and for me.
I vowed I wouldn’t jump back into the “yes mess,” as I call it, once the pandemic and my sabbatical ended, and yet I have. I’m not complaining. My work is endlessly fascinating, and often exciting, and just as often hours upon hours of hard work and focused concentration.
This past week, I had just enough time on my walk to listen to Adam Grant’s podcast ReThinking. He was interviewing Agnes Callard, a philosophy professor at the University of Chicago. She shared her thoughts on a theory that some people are “stress avoidant” and some are “boredom avoidant.” While most of us would prefer to steer clear of both of them, she said people who really want to avoid stress are willing to have some boredom, and people who really want to avoid boredom are willing to have some stress. She added, “I’m often told ‘you seem exhausting,’ and I think that it’s because they are stress avoidant, and I’m boredom avoidant. I’m willing to deal with a lot of stress as long as I’m not bored.”
It’s always a bit disconcerting when the universe holds up a mirror to you without warning. I instantly recognized myself in her comments. I am, and always have been, boredom avoidant. And it’s true that because of that, I operate at a certain level of stress at all times.
I was a very bored teenager growing up in a working-class family in Boise, Idaho. There wasn’t much money to do a lot of “fun” things, and my daily after-school job kept me out of extracurricular activities. But it’s not like Boise was teeming with new opportunities anyway, not to mention most of my friends were bigtime introverts and preferred to stay home on the weekends to recharge. I wiled away countless hours reading, watching old movies on TV, making up stories in my head, and vowing whatever career I had, it would never, ever be boring!
And it’s not. I love my job, and the many challenges it brings. I adore spending time with my friends and family and being involved in several creative communities. The pandemic and my sabbatical did reassure me I wouldn’t go crazy if faced with a bit of boredom, but also reaffirmed it’s not a state in which I thrive.
So is the “answer” that those of us who are stress averse should try moving out of our comfort zones now and then, and those who are boredom averse should set aside time to be bored? If so, the problem is, I don’t remember how to be bored. I think I sometimes assume it’s as easy as setting aside time for what you might call “intentional boredom” (also known as relaxation). You know, wiling away a summer afternoon on the patio reading a book or chatting with a partner about nothing or dozing in one’s chair. But that’s enjoyable, and boredom is not. So that can’t be it. Deciding to be bored by, say, watching a boring movie would just lead to frustration. So, what is the answer?
Maybe there isn’t supposed to be an “answer.” Maybe sometimes a theory is just a theory, and not something designed to prompt us toward action or change. Maybe that’s just me choosing to stress about being a boredom-averse person. Maybe the universe just wanted me to notice this about myself. Not change it, necessarily, simply accept it. Acknowledge I’m never going to be someone who leans into boredom, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also be someone who dials down the stress now and then in order to reground, recharge, and relax.
My task list is a mile long for the next few weeks and contains some things I simply need to do but also several things I’m excited to do. Still . . . the weather is looking good this weekend, so maybe, just maybe, I’ll see you for a bit on the patio. That is, if you’re not out there stretching your own boundaries.
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